The Song Remembers When

Well cheers subconscious and memories, you stole my happiness yet again. It was bound to happen with working in that bloody store and being on campus. The minor crushes weren't too detrimental until I started talking to one guy more. That turned into a weird thing with two meetings and some making out. Yes, it was fun and exciting to act wilder but at the same time I felt bad about it. It would be minor to most people but I'm a logical human. I don't kiss random men. I was not myself last Thursday.

However worse than anything, the dude has been quiet and I feel bad. I can't say I feel used because I pursued him but at the same time I feel like I have been totally rejected even as a friend. 

Then issue is in my mind I feel like this is a rehash of what happened in college years ago and for some reason I invite this kind of scenario. I don't know if it is that guys who fit that type are just like that or if it is me. I know it is me. Normal women don't pursue young guys like I do. Maybe I wanted a chance to try to be slightly different this time and see if I could have fun. But even in the moment I felt uncomfortable because he didn't want anyone to know that we were hanging out and I didn't like feeling like a secret. I keep thinking about the Perks of Being a Wallflower line about accepting "the love we think we deserve." I know my self esteem is low and I just don't demand any kind of positive treatment because I don't feel like any guy would put up with me.

What startled me is that the current guy was like a composite drawing blending two people I knew 6 years ago. So obviously I still long for that looking fella.

It has been a week since all of this crazy drama and I have been pretty frustrated in general. Plus job opportunities aren't working out. Three interviews in 3 weeks and no luck. That adds to my sadness. I'm lonely then jobless too. Today I applied at different cities.

One friend wants me to move to his city. It isn't Nashville and that is my dream but I don't feel like my dreams will come true. I'm just so tired of being sad and disappointed.

My online friends have been very helpful while I've been a basket case. I appreciate their concern for me. These waves of depression come and go and when this one passes I'll will feel better.

My Kind of...This is How I Roll

Proof that every country song still sounded the same in 2014

This article and supporting evidence in the video of the sound bites of some of the top songs of 2014. I knew that many of the recent country songs sounded similar but this was just plain ridiculous! While I do like Luke Bryan and some of Blake Shelton's music, there is no denying they sing simple songs some of the time. Then some are better and have more emotional connections. "Drink a Beer" and "God Gave me You" respectively are examples that come to mind.

I recently have begun talking to a country DJ and he talks about the "throw away" songs. And it is true! Everything is the same. I listened to his 90's at 9 again last night and loved being reminded of the good songs of the 90's. I think country fans need to demand artists to sit down and write meaningful songs again.

Not every country fan is wanting to ride around in a truck with a chick, drink whiskey and I am a woman who doesn't want to be compared to whiskey or some other booze. There is more to life and people know this!

The songs written and preformed on ABC's Nashville have more meaning and melody than what is on the radio and since it is soundtrack music country radio doesn't play it. It is kind of a bummer.

My DJ friend went to CMA Fest a few years but now has given it up because of the new acts being so flat and generic. I don't like a lot of the new people as much as the older ones. That is why I prefer the other venue acts at Fest rather than the stadium shows. I mean, there are some exceptions of the current big stars but typically I like artists of the 90's.

I doubt country will get back to the good songs anytime soon because the current monotonous music is selling so well. It all confuses me. Maybe fans don't know better, maybe they didn't listen to the older music. Plus it is that I grew up in the 90's so that is what I know most.

Classic country of the older eras should be ashamed of today's songs as well. It is a farce at times. I don't want to name names in my post lest I get the wrath of fans but it is frustrating seeing people swaying and all to lame music!

Another Try

Well another week has passed in my boring life. It wasn't all that bad I don't suppose. However, another weekend and I'm alone. I should be used to it by now and I am but oh so tired of it. I find myself wanting to snipe at people online who are positive. I just don't have that spirit. It was passed through heredity to be negative. Mom says she is positive but really she can make anything negative; especially if it is some thing where I may or may not have acted correctly.

This week work was up and down. The students were back so I tried to tone down my personality somewhat. I thought it worked with my favorite student I had observed but after adding each other on Facebook he failed to respond to a message I sent. Oh well. Then one I thought was flirty ended up being engaged. I don't know what was the deal there. My coworker is trying to set me up with a maintenance man but my boss think that the dude has asperger's or something so that is off putting. I mean I would hope I could land a guy without developmental problems. Mom of course blamed me for my coworker doing that because I let her know I was desperate. That negative talk is soul sapping. But perhaps she's right. I tried not to overly talk too anyone. I also scared the older guy away when he was texting me about kids and I wasn't warm to the idea. I figured he was searching for a younger chick for spawn. I found the whole conversation creepy since we hadn't even dated and he gets on the kid topic.

Yesteray I had to call in sick after I got ill from the sub shop on campus. Art least I think that was the culprit. I felt terrible all Wednesday night and all day. I felt bad being sick. At least I was more accepted being sick than back at the paper. You'd get shamed into working sick and I did!

Another round of ugly weather will hurt my spirit for days. It really gets to me. The grayness just makes me sad on top of being generally depressed. I guess I should get to sleep before I drop my phone on my face while blogging. Until next time. 

Is That Asking too Much

This year I'm Resolving to Ban Laptops from My Classroom

One of my college friends shared this article this morning. She is an older student who is now working on her PHD. We met in 2007 and had several history classes together in the two and a half years that I was there. She commented on this article saying that she will not let students have phones or laptops when she is teaching. I have to agree on that.

Technology has made people multitask too much. The article mentions students who are plugged up with headphones in class and not paying attention. I saw this when I was in college but more so in the year or so that I worked with students. While I agree that responsibility lies on the distracted student, I also know from experience that it is also distracting being around laptop note takers. Some of us are finicky with noises and the pecking on the keys is irritating. Of course, that is small potatoes but still a distracting element of being in class.

The studies mentioned in the article reflect what I have thought all along. That retention is better when handwritten. It takes more effort and for visual learners I think it also is easier to remember something that has been looked at for a longer time and perhaps more than notes. How often do people sit down at the computer to do something or read something, get online, and forget what he or she started looking for. It happens all the time.

Even as I started to write this blog post, I had the idea three hours ago and just now got back to my original idea. If more teachers and professors tried to lessen the computers in the class I suspect students would enjoy class more as they would have to be more involved in the material.

 

I remember some classes where no one seemed to be participating just sat there looking at the clock on the wall waiting to be released. Thankfully in history and mass communication classes more all of us were people who enjoyed the material and I remember lots of stirring discussions. It made for wonderful classes.

Everything I Love

"Everything I Love" by Alan Jackson gets to be my song of the post. Today is the first of 2015 and what have I done today? Been nostalgic as Hell about everything under the sun.

Neflix putting Friends on streaming got me watching one of my favorite shows of the 90's. I have watched several episodes today and some Melrose Place. It was a good day for drowning in the past. It has rained all day so I didn't have anything better to do. Watching Friends reminded me of how much I love Matthew Perry. No matter how many failed sitcoms he tries, I watch them and enjoy seeing him. I probably relate the most to Monica but I think Rachel is my favorite of the Friends girls. Sidnie told me that she likes Phoebe and Ross the best. And I obviously had a big thing for Chandler.

But I digress but nostalgia is the main theme of this post. I am 28 and I dare say that I have been nostalgic all my life. I even feel nostalgic for the 80's even though I was a small kid. Thankfully I do vividly remember things from when I was three and some of the iconic 80's things stuck into my mind. I have consistently enjoyed 80's pop and rock music all my life and the movies as well. I often wonder how it would've been to be a teen of the 80's.

As I type this I am listening to my collection of 90's country. Growing up home schooled and an only child, I had a lot of radio listening time. I was telling Justin this the other night about lying in the dark and listening to the radio and soaking it all in. I truly miss the country songs of the 90's. It is weird to prefer 80's rock and 90's country. It isn't that I didn't listen to pop of the 90's and 2000's but it didn't stick in my soul like the 90'a country. Plus, it was in the late 90's when my parents took me to Nashville the first time and that really did change my life. Nashville has become a mirage and a distraction in my life and continues to be a goal for me. The years listening to those songs on my RCA radio and taping the songs I loved most. I remember "Goodnight Sweetheart" by David Kersh. It was one of my favorites and "If I Were You" by Terri Clark. For a time stations played 90's radio shows but in my area they stopped and I miss it. However, they rarely played the obscure songs. I have a song that I may request when I call Justin's show. I haven't heard it in gosh 10 years so I want to see if he can find it to play.

Nostalgia goes beyond music as I try to push thoughts out of my mind today of two people who I have had to let go this year. One's birthday is today and the other's tomorrow. I was talking to Charlene earlier about it. I'm not falling into that memory trap because it only causes those two to win another battle. Gosh I think back on 2014 and it was really a lousy year. If this one is even a tad bit better, I'll be ahead. Nostalgia will continue regardless.

Shake it Off

For all my hopes that 2014 would be good. It was horrible. Started horrible, continued to be horrible,  and the brief time in the summer when I thought things would get better I only got stomped on again. My bad year has made me more disgusted with people in general. But I am used to disappointment and jerks so I'll just keep on.

One thing I wanted to do is post the songs of 2014 that got my through.

Shake it Off -Taylor Swift
Rollercoaster -Luke Bryan
Happy - Pharrel
Somewhere in my Car -Keith Urban
Dark Horse -Katy Perry
Demons and Radioactive by Imagine Dragons
Lonely Eyes -Chris Young
Crash my Party -Luke Bryan
and other songs too but I'm not in the mood to write too much.

I'm just so mentally exhausted and heartbroken but it can't last forever. I hope not. I may edit this post tomorrow with more songs and such.

Nowhere Bound

This is one of my favorite Diamond Rio songs. I loved the video. I have had a crush on Marty Roe for a long time. Even as the band ages they remain one of my favorite country bands.

But I picked it as my soundtrack for this post because of feeling so fed up with my town and that there is nothing new here. Just the same as it was when I was a kid. I had a case of road rage when I got off work today. Slow moving traffic grinds my gears. But at least there isn't traffic jams.

Work today was more of the shipping loads of books to different college bookstores all over. I have enjoyed learning this skill set. It is quiet and I feel kind of like a librarian. I have learned a lot of knowledge on ISBN numbers and how books are shipped and sold. There is a lot of stuff going on behind the scenes.

My bummer of the day was hearing Sidnie got sick and we postponed the visit until her birthday in a few weeks. I am sad but the weather is lousy so best to stay home.

I got home and started chatting up my friends. It has been a good evening. Tonight I was messaging Justin from Ohio and we exchanged numbers. I told him I had only given my number to one friend from the Internet. However, I think he is a good guy. I want to call in on the 90s at 9 and make a request sometime soon. I want to pick a good song too. It is nice to find a kindred spirit.
Sidnie texted me that she was IMing a guy she was playing Trivia Crack with. She was nervous but was chatting. I told her that it can be fun. She did she was dipping her toe into the water. Hope he is a real person. I have only had suspicions a couple of times that someone was strange. I avoided them once I got creeped out. Well must go to bed. It is getting late.