Dream Collapsing

Watching the Oscars tonight and thinking about the movies that are my friends when I am down.

As Good as it Gets [1997]
I love it so much. I fell in love with Greg Kinnear. And I love the story and the film score. When I need a great movie I pop that into my DVD player. Nicholson's character was mean but lovable. And to see OCD in film was nice. It really can be a debilitating problem in many ways. 

Great Expectations [1998]

What can I say? I love movie when people are miserable and dealing with unrequited love. Ethan Hawke's character pining for his I love was painful and poignant. Plus he was easy on the eyes in the 90s. Paltrow's character was heartless and made no effort to help him deal with his pain. She only made it ten times worse through the film. I also enjoyed Chris Cooper's character as the rough and tumble uncle. And De Niro as the crazy convict was nice. 

He's Just not Into You [2010]
Self-explanatory that this would be my saga. I relate to embarrassingly awkward Gigi. And while I love the movie as a whole, her story-line is my favorite. That movie makes me cry every time but it is therapeutic. Somehow I always think that I will end up with a guy friend but in every case, it has only ended the friendship. That is why I am trying to avoid that fatal error again. In fact, I am trying to listen to the advice of that movie by not contacting the guy first. It is painful feeling that I am not missed or noticed and I have tried to avoid posting depressing stuff on Facebook other than some song lyrics but even that could be about other things besides a stupid misstep with another human. 

The Holiday [2006]

I have a hard time deciding between He's Just Not Into You and The Holiday as my favorite chick flick. I think the Holiday gets my vote because of how much I relate to Winslet's character. When I watch the film, sometimes I only watch her story-line. It isn't that I dislike Diaz and Law's love story but it isn't as much my life so far. I find Winslet wallowing over that awful ex so much more my speed. Gosh, I hated that guy because I had a watered down version of her story. Right down to the random engagement out of nowhere and the guy saying, "sorry kiddo." That still makes my blood boil when I think back to that time. However, I was like Winslet. I opened that door again year later. I think it was spurred by taking anti-depressants and feeling like I was invincible. Regardless, I had several months of an electric flirty friendship only to be crushed again via text. I can say today that I will never, ever open that door again. I got my gumption, wrote a handwritten letter, and said goodbye to the weirdest part of my life. I did love Jack Black's character too. That scene where he and Winslet are bemoaning love is greatness. I have the quote saved on my computer. It is so true. That "ache in places you didn't know you had inside you...you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy." That whole monologue captures the pain. But she gets over it and that is the takeaway. And Black acknowledging he went after the bad girl; knowing it was foolish. It is nice seeing the guy having to deal with a lousy woman. The movie perpetuates that friendship-to-relationship situation. I guess it works sometimes, but not in my experience. It only wrecks friendships and leaves a whole in your heart that is worse than a normal breakup. But one must hope for something better to happen. 

Reality Bites [1993]
I love this movie! It was an old movie by the time I first watched it, but the characters I relate to because they are flawed and try to find their place in society. I just enjoy that movie. Good songs in it too. Again, Ethan Hawke stole the show for me as the dark and disturbed Troy. That ends up being the type of guy I look for; even as that is foolish as hell. Ryder's character as the kind of pretentious, college graduate clawing for any kind of meaningful job it something I am well-versed in. I kind of took that route with my current situation. She had a mean boss and quit; only to have to take a lower paying job to survive. She made it and got the dark and disturbed fellow in the end. I hope to find a normal man though; one who isn't a crazy poet or something. 

500 Days of Summer [2009]
The hard look at love and longing is refreshing. Zooey and JGL shine in it. And I can relate to both characters' point of views. And while the ending irks my best friend to where she calls it "unwatchable" I forgive the cheesy ending for the rest of the movie. Who hasn't met someone and immediately thought that they were perfect? We choose to only see the great things and then tell lies to ourselves when things happen that are terrible come to the surface. Zooey's character wasn't wrong in the sense that she told him that she didn't want a relationship. At the same time, he was was also right that friends don't treat each other like she treated him! To me my favorite part was the reality-expectations sequence. I have so been there, pretty much every time I try something I have expectations that fall very short of what reality brings. I truly want to do better next time because it is very detrimental to my mental health to have a belief that things will work out.  

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind [2004]
I love this movie! Carrey and Winslet shined in this movie. I loved the premise and Joel's pain and how he needed to let go; while feeling the need to keep his memories. Been there, done that. It was such a thought provoking film. To this day, memories play out in mind's eye that hit me when I am on a certain stretch of highway. I blogged about that years ago, so that remains as a refresher to the memories. I toyed with the idea of scrapping that whole old blog because of the painful memories. I chose to keep it, setting it to private so only I can remember that time. Besides that old blog has totally unrelated stories from Junior College, vacations, time with friends and family. So it is worthwhile to keep the thing as a whole.  

The Little Mermaid [1989]
The one that started my movie loving life. I still love it, the songs and relate to Ariel. It makes me happy watching it. I have felt like Ariel quite a bit in my adult. Kind of trapped in a life where I am expected to be one person but feeling like I am not that person at all. "Part of Your World" signifies my desire to escape small town life and be in the city "where the people are." Should their be a beautiful blue eyed man there too, that would be great! But I digress. Similarly, I also love Beauty and the Beast and relate to Belle because she felt out of place in her environment and longed for more. Plus, she had the need to change a flawed man into a prince. I think most women have that need even though it never works! Even in that movie the Prince Adam changed by his choice. There is hope for people to change but they have to make that choice to grow up. 

Well, this blog is less mopey tonight. I have been wallowing in self-pity long enough and going to force myself out of my funk. It may be tricky with the bad weather and lingering cough but going to try to feel better. Regardless I will be happy by Wednesday when I am back on campus. Not going to let foolishness get to me anymore! So what if the guy didn't care to stay in touch as much as I wanted? There are other people to talk to around there. Well back to watching the Oscars.

Everybody's Gotta Learn Sometime

‘ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND': ARGUABLY, THE FINEST FILM OF THIS CENTURY.

I shared this TheCinemaholic.com article on my social media pages the other day and I wrote a brief blog of sorts. I felt like writing about it more today. It is another cold and rainy day, which only causes me to be introspective and want to think about life.

I wouldn't go as far as this author went to say it was the best movie of the century, but it is a very thought provoking film. The cinematography, music score and everything really made it shine besides the plot, characters and actors involved.  

I watched this 2004 film for the first time in probably in 2011 or 2012. It struck a cord with me as I remembered people and moments back in college. This movie made me contemplate how it is to be an extremely sentimental person. I related to Joel's (Carrey) struggle dealing with his memories of Clementine (Winslet). I contemplated a life without pesky memories while watching the film. How sweet would it be to not remember the little things? How lovely to not see traits in others who remind me of people of the past which causes you to pause with a slight twinge of pain your heart?

It goes beyond just the memories of one particular person, or it does in my case at least. It has been five years since I graduated college. It bothers me that it has been that long because in my heart it only seems like yesterday. Part of the reason it is that way is because my current job is back on campus. I cannot really escape the memories. Good, bad, happy, sad; they all play out in my mind’s eye while I am on campus. It would be nice to remove the sad memories but it would also remove aspects that were good. And furthermore, it would remove the connected positive memories with friends who were around the ones I no longer have contact with anymore.

My best friend Sidnie and I bonded through the negative actions of one person we knew. If we hadn’t had those bad memories to bond over, I might not have her in my life today. That to me makes all of the lunacy that occurred during those years worth it to me. Heck, we even invented an angst reduction game called Plinko Ball. That is the mark of a true friendship co-creating a game right? A study said that if people are friends for longer than seven years, that they will likely be lifelong friends. It will be 7 years around March of next year. I kind of hope to have some sort of “friend-a-versary” sometime next year.

Time really has flown by in regards to the positive memories. And that is another weird thing with memories. The sad stuff doesn’t seem as old and forgotten as the fun times do. Perhaps the perception of the memories. Introspective and sentimental people hang onto everything and others who aren’t move on and don’t look back. I like being sentimental because I feel that it makes me a better friend and such. But that is just me.  

So I see why in the middle of the procedure Joel changes his mind. No one would want to remember life if he or she only looked at the bad memories. It is understandable to be a pessimist. I am one because all the time that I have tried to be optimistic things come crashing down. Currently, I just try to avoid anything that will make me open up to people.

I think when the students return I will be a mute while I’m working at the bookstore. I had marginal success in some cases, but I am still feeling foolish about two incidents. I hope to redeem myself in those cases. Introverts can be really awkward but once you give us a chance we can be normal. We just need understanding and a little patience.  I suppose I have rattled enough for one post. Have a lovely day everyone.