Today's post is named for the Joe Nichols song. Typically when I pick a song for the post title I listen to it to refresh myself on the song. Heck, I have tons of music. This song is about the things that we hope for but don't get. And it is not as much about settling, but appreciating the things we do have in life. It is a healing song though it brings me to tears every time I listen to it. Joe Nichols is one of my favorite artists because his songs are deep and he has lived a life that brings about those types of songs. I am glad that he seems happy now. It is a great song though so YouTube it if you haven't heard it.
Today I am feeling a bit numb and dead inside. It is another gray, rainy day and now it is rainy though Thursday. I don't know how I am going to cope much longer with everything being so damn depressing and the weather being bad on top of it! I had yet another defective product fiasco. I will email the company because I am litigious when something doesn't work. It was so aggravating and I genuinely feel like everything is going wrong in my life; down the little things. I freely admit to being insufferable. Yesterday wasn't that great. Mom and I got into it over my room being cluttered. I have boxes from when I lived away; kitchen stuff, posters in frames, a chair, etc. Anyway, my room at home is tiny and I don't have space for any of it. I had thought I'd be here temporarily but I have been marooned here for months. So anyway, we got into an argument over it so I boxed up some old stuff and took it to Goodwill. My room is still full and actually looks worse now. But I got some of it out of the way. While I was in town, I drove around and tried to clear my mind. It didn't really work too well.
Last night I put School of Rock on so I could laugh or feel less dead inside. It didn't really pep me up that much. I did apply for some more jobs. And some in the city where my ex-friends live. I decided I would message one of them and see if chatting with him would work. We ended up chatting for several hours. It went ok I suppose. Then I watched SNL and a couple of the skits got my laughing. The "Be Brave" (Say What You Need to Say) skit actually spurred me to tell him how I really felt about some stuff. Kind of the being brave thing. A few weeks back he posted on Facebook something about being a dog person and disliking cats. I am a cat person and I commented on it. Then my ex-friend and another friend chimed in dissing cats. The disliking cats didn't get to me as much as the three people I used to consider close friends posting together and things not being the same anymore bothered me more. Then we talked about how life makes connections change. It can go either way I suppose. I'm at about my limit of trying to stay in touch with a few old friends. If it always me reaching out; it just proves I care more and I'm not willing to keep up that charade with the people.
March has begun and praying with all hope it is better than February! Working at the store this week so will be out and about. Thursday and Friday I talked less to the customers. I didn't want to get involved into anything or talk particularly. Perhaps this week I will be a bit more alive. There are at least things to look forward to and with each passing month it gets closer to the Foreigner and Night Ranger concert in May and CMA Fest in June. Fest is always the best week of the year. I have contemplated driving up to Nashville alone once it gets warmer and pester places in person and see if I can get a job. Or maybe go out to visit Calvin and look for jobs in his city. Something needs to change soon because each passing week I am in this nowhere town; I am losing pieces of my soul.
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